12/26/07: Personal Grief

It has been a while since I wrote. I need to unload something from my chest. I went to a holiday party last weekend and a friend offered us a limo ride there/back so that we would not drink and drive. The evening before, I had seen our babysitter's mother at a party and mentioned that the limo would be bringing her daughter home and, when the mother said that her daughter hadn't been in a limo before, I specifically said, "Oh, then maybe I will arrange to take her for a ride!". So the mother had been told and I thought it was cleared.

When the girl came over and we were getting ready to leave for the party, I promised the babysitter and my 9 year old a ride in the car when I took the babysitter home.

Holiday party was fun but very little food. I had six wines and apparently was intoxicated, although my husband didn't seem to notice. I took the kids for the limo ride around town to see the lights and decorations. Then, for some reason, we stopped at a restaurant that is also a pub for a total of two minutes (verified by limo driver and my son). I remember peeking in the windows and looking at all of the people. Then we came home.

The mother couldn't find her daughter and went apeshit. She came to our house, tried to wake up my husband who didn't know where we were (in the limo) despite the fact that the limo was IN THE DRIVEWAY when she came to the house. She walked right past it, entered my house, went upstairs, tried to wake my husband who was "comatosed" (her words).

When she grabbed her daughter out of the limo and went home, the girl said that she was crying in the limo (no), begging to go home (no), and that I dragged her by the arm into the bar, sat the at bar, tried to order a drink, sat a table, then left.

I confess that, from the depths of my soul, I do not remember ever entering that restaurant which does have a bar. I do know that we were out of the limo and we did look in the windows of the restaurant at the lights and decorations. I do recall her laughing with my son who also said this was true AS DID THE LIMO DRIVER. The mother is insisting that isn't true and her daughter is not a liar. My son said that he saw us peek in the windows and did not see us enter the establishment. The limo driver said that we might have when he turned the limo around but it was about 2 minutes that we were out of the car.

The mother is threatening to call the authorities, take my children away from me, etc. I have known this woman for 14 years. She's best friends with my sister and has been a psuedo-family member. I had apologized to her, her husband, and the daughter. I have gone to the church to seek spiritual guidance from the priest and deacon. I have arranged to go to counselling starting tomorrow. What the hell else does she want from me? And who is she to judge me as a parent ("You need parental counselling! I fear for the safety of your children!") when she lives in a dirty house and is quite the partier herself. I've seen her completely inebriated in front of her children on more than one occasion.

All my life I have been a wild child. Everyone who knows me is aware of this. I ran away with the circus, lived in Argentina, lived in Alaska, traveled the world, lived with the Amish, studied the homeless. I have always been a party girl but I can also control it when I want to or even when I don't want to. I run a charity (out of my own pocket) to help poor people. I've gone to do mission work in remote locations. Now, because of this, I feel complete despair and hopelessness. I have thought about harming myself but I wouldn't do that to my children. My depression is completely back...I haven't eatten in almost 7 days (before this incident, mind you) and have lost 11 pounds. My stomach is in such a knot that I can't think straight.

To add insult to injury, the mother and father say their daughter is TRAUMATIZED and may need counselling. Yet, on Christmas morning, when I was at my sister's house and my car was parked right out front, not once but TWICE did the girl come to the door. How TRAUMATIZED can she be if she knows that her "tormentor" is in the house and she comes over two times? And the mother, who flatly informed me that I shall never have contact with her daughter again, knew we were there and still sent her over to give my neice a present THEN return to ask for onions. She must have been really, really, really upset, eh? Couldn't wait until we left at 11 to do that? The mother knew that, every year, we go to my sister's house for breakfast in Christmas. Guess the girl's trauma isn't so bad...?

My niece is her friend and her reaction was "Oh please, she always overreacts to everything."

My intention was do something fun for the kids. Something Christmasy. It backfired and I have apologized. Now this woman's reaction (including telling me that her husband wanted to kill one of us on the night this happened) has tramatized me. I can't eat, can't sleep, can't focus. I keep crying and throwing up. I think she is evil, an evil, evil woman who professes to be the best Catholic on the planet. I doubt she will sue because of the friendship with my sister but...who knows? Does she has a case? Did I break any laws? Was it such a horrible, terrible thing? Even the head priest of HER church said "Great intentions but inappropriate timing. Not a biggie, though." If I have agreed to do everything the mother asks (apologize in writing to the daughter, seek counselling, never drink again...), can she still sue? Can you sue without asking for retribution first?

The shock of this is too much for me. How can I get over this?

I love the fact that she thinks I'm an alcoholic and need to get alcohol help when she, herself, drinks more than frequently and in front of her children. And, as far as bad parenting, my kids live life large...just like me. Her children live in a dirty house with piles of dirty laundry all over the place and unmade beds. Her 14 year old son plays sniper games on XBox (nice Catholic game, eh?). She feeds them crap, deep fried food and rich deserts. Her children never play outside but sit inside, watching tv all summer long and after school. That's great parenting, isn't it?

Who is she to judge me? Who the hell is she to DEMAND these things????? I am who I am and I don't hide anything. I don't pretend to be perfect.

Am I wrong is despising her or is it just a defense mechanism?

07/11/07: Summer Mania

I hate summer. I used to love summer but now I hate summer. At the risk of sounding like a Negative Nancy, let me repeat: I hate summer.

The kids are driving me crazy. They are so fuckin' loud. They cannot play quietly. They cannot shut up. They are just so fuckin' loud.

If I have to repeat myself one more time, I'm going to commit myself to a psych ward:

"No food in the playroom."
"No balls in the house."
"Pick up your K-Rap-A."
"Brush your teeth."
"QUIETTTT!"
"Get outta my face!"

Yes, I have resorted to telling them to get out of my face...usually when I'm trying to pee or shower and they are screaming for me. People think I have five kids...there are usually extras hanging around. One calls me her half-mom. But I only have two. And they scream, yell, torment my soul.

Oh, I love them...but I love them better in September when they are at school.

06/29/07: Bong Hits 4 Jesus

What the hell is this whole pile of crap about? Some retard stands across the street from a school holding a sign that reads "Bong Hits 4 Jesus" and then SUES the school because the principal confiscates the sign? And the world erupts in protest over our First Amendment rights?

Give me a friggin' break!

Maybe that's part of the problem. What was the purpose of that sign? What was he trying to prove? Where the hell were his parents? The kid is promoting drugs with Jesus and, regardless of your religious affiliation across from a school, that is simply waving the red flag in front of the bull...no good coming out of the situation.

Why aren't the parents punishing the kid? Why are people outraged? Frankly, I'm outraged by the OUTRAGE. That is the most ignorant lawsuit. The family should be counter-sued for stupidity...

06/28/07: Stupent Alert...

OK, so this chick in my Sales Management class is singing the blues because she's an A student and she earned a C- in my class. Her writing was worse than my 4th graders and she couldn't string two thoughts together if her life depended on it. In fact, one paper was so poorly written that I had to read it three times to recognize it AS a paper!

This time, I hunted down her two previous professors to find out the story as to why she received As. One comments that her writing stunk. My response? Then why did you give her an A?

"Oh, I didn't...I gave her an A-."

What the hell is that? An A- for an adult learner who doesn't use commas, uses Google search engine results as sources, and doesn't include page numbers (forget about the actual assignment!)? It's not the students who are lame...it's the friggin' instructors who fear being fired for giving the students...cough cough...the CUSTOMER the grade earned.

05/15/07: Computer Games and Kids

I'm so sick and tired of the mass of computer games on the Internet and listening to my kids beg/plead/promise the world for a subscription to them. Forget the fact that my neighbor's kid stole my 5 year old's Webkinz code and I'm having a helluva time getting it back. The world is too much stimulation with absolutely no loyalty.

Daughter MUST have Club Penguin one day...then is into Dragon Fables the next. Son is a Premier Member of Runescape at the tune of $6 a month (!!! that's $72 a year!!!) then cries when I cut him off. The withdrawal is too much and I almost give in but, when I realize that he only logged in twice a month...that got rather expensive and I stood my ground.

I swear it's because the TV provides 24x7x1000 channel stimulation to these kids. Gone are the days of waiting for Saturday morning cartoons or weekly kid programs on Sunday night. It's a world of instant gratification...

02/01/07: Horse

Bought a horse. Don't ask. Call it a mid-life crisis but, despite the fact that I'm turning 38 this month, I had no choice...it was love. If I had the horse before children...heck, before marriage...I'd have no offspring or wedding ring, let me tell you. :0 Husband freaked out but too bad. I work for a living and I enjoy my time with the horse. Who cares if the laundry isn't done?