01/27: One Week Down...

OK, first week down and so far, so good. My two face-to-face classes are going GREAT. The Advertising/Promotions class increased 25% after day one and the Prof. Comm. class is over capacity (which stinks but...) however, the students responded well to my "rules":

1. Get a study buddy and ask that person before asking me (i.e. missed notes, "confusion" over assignments, etc.)
2. Participate in class discussions if you want an A
3. No late assignments
4. Etc. and more of the same

One chick was cracking up during my "welcome" speech and I stopped, "Uh...are you horrified or just happy?" She laughed and said, "I'm so excited...this is the way classes are supposed to be!" A good omen, I suppose. She was still there on Thursday so I guess she meant it.

It is exhausting, though. I should work out beforehand. The jumping around, the energy, the enthusiasm in a good lecture. No wonder so many instructors resort to the old lecture blah-blah. It's hard to be entertaining and educational.

My online course is another story. There is always ONE class a semester that sucks and this one takes the goose egg. Either I scared the heck out of these students and they all dropped (save two) or they are the one class that I seem to get every semester that is full of lazy "stupents" who haven't logged in...even though I have emailed and posted a dozen times that they need to log, read, post, etc. What the heck do I do if I'm down to two students? That's impossible in the online environment! It's basically an independent study which make the next 15 weeks drag on...

The other sucky thing is that my Ad/Promo class is too similar to other courses these students have done. It's going to be hard to differentiate since the other classes have used my cool project: develop an entire advertising and promotional campaign for a product (including samples of commercials, radio, promotional partnerships, etc.). Well, Principles of Marketing, Principles of Advertising, and (get this one) Small Group Communication used the same friggin' project. OK, I get Principles of Advertising but Small Group Communication? Come on! Project thief! And Principles of Marketing...that's rather aggressive for a introductory course. Now I'm sending this group off to interview advertising agencies and (hopefully) meet with the advertising department of a local NYC radio station. However, this is more work for me because I have to re-write my course to bring it up a notch. If someone steals THIS from me, I'll just throw my hands up in defeat...!

01/23: When To Cave...

When do you cave into a student? This is a question that I debate with one of my colleagues on a regular basis. I've read other comments about caving in on other blogs. OK, I'll admit that there are times to cave in and I've done it. I loved Kait's comment "He cried, I caved, I don't want to talk about it." I laughed my tooshie off when I read that because I've been there. We do it and, afterwards, we don't want to talk about it. Why?

Well, for starters, we know that these students work hard and have other responsibilities. I had one student last semester who was one of the best undergrads that I ever had. This chick was dynamite! Her writing was professional and polished. If I asked for a two page summary, she gave me six! And it was good stuff.

Toward the end of the semester, she had two car accidents within two weeks and never handed in her final assignment. I couldn't fail her, even though I have a "No Late Assignment" policy. So, I gave her the world-famous Incomplete--which is a pain because I have to track down a gazillion signatures from people working in different buildings (and always on the highest floor with no elevator). But she was worth it.

I had another student who missed a ton of classes, didn't hand in some work, and the work she did hand in was mediocre. She actually was from a different school and just taking the class to make up credits. I talked to her about the Incomplete because I didn't want to fail her. However, when it came time to submit grades...I caved and gave her the C. I knew she had a bad semester (someone died) and she did hand in some of the extra work that I requested. The point is...she tried and she talked to me as it was happening.

OK, so I cave in sometimes, too.

But there are situations where I don't cave. I had this student who showed up at the end of the semester and I actually looked at her and said, "Who are you?" This chick hadn't attended class in well over 6 weeks (maybe longer), had been thrown out of her learning team, and was crying about her grandfather dying as the excuse. Look, I was close to my grandmother (I mean CLOSE...I drove 3 hours every week to sit with her until the day before she died!) and I only took off three days to mourn.

Now, I'm not saying this student should get over it but to blame a six week absence on it? I could understand a sibling or a parent but granddad? Well, even so...let's say that this student was really, really close with PopPop...that doesn't mean she should automatically pass the class. It does her no favors to cave in...she didn't learn the material. Sometimes you have to separate their life from their studies. Not to mention, I didn't hear about PopPop's death until AFTER she was going to fail (which she did). That's what drives me crazy. Tell me before, work with me in advance. But to suddenly tell me what happened afterward? I bet she wouldn't have said anything if I had given her a B...it was only after she knew she was going to fail.

I don't cave when the student didn't follow my instructions or when the student tries to thwart taking responsibility for their inaction. Work with me, I work with you. Try to pawn it off on me, forget it--that doesn't work in my book. Teaching is more than just the academics. It's about preparing these students for their post-collegiate life. Responsibility is a very important piece of that. When a student is responsible, I'll go to the moon for them. When a student refuses responsibilty, well...I'll fight that grade grievance until the end of the universe.

01/22: Hating my Stupents, Loving my Students...

Kait and Joanna made some comments on Adjunct Kait's website that I wanted to talk about (but didn't want to burden her site with it...that wouldn't be fair to her or her readers).

I have been teaching for about eight years. I love teaching and, for the most part, I love my students. But you are correct that I'm burning out a bit. I'm burning out from the students who wear me down. Believe it or not, I was nominated on more than one occasion as a best instructor and won an "Instructor Who Impacted Me the Most" award from a graduating student.

Even though I grumble about moving to the dark side (lectures and exams), I never could...not entirely. Frankly, that's boring to me. I like teaching students by allowing them to do. My assignments are creative and usually mirror corporate America. I take them out of hte classroom and into the world, a first experience for many of them. Each semester, I have at least a dozen students comment that I was the best instructor they ever had. I like to do unusual things with my students so that they can apply theory, not just regurgitate it back to me. What fun is that?

When I vent, you are reading about the frustration resulting from some very nasty students who have worn me down in the past few months. Trust me, there is nothing better than having bright eyed and bushy-tailed students who work hard and give you their best. My courses lock up every semester and have a wait list while other sections are wide open. I tell you this only so that you know my frustration is vented here...not in the classroom. In my Wintersession, I have 6 students who are fantastic. They worked hard, they posted and participated, they loved the class and I already have other students emailing me (based on their feedback) asking when I'm teaching again.

Of course, I have three students who skimped during Wintersession, gave me crap, didn't participate, didn't work to their potential and I know...KNOW...that they will scream, yell, and cry about the Cs or even Ds that they earned. It will be MY fault, not theirs. That's what makes me tired...the lack of accountability in those students.

Kait wrote that she wants to learn from the veterans. I consider myself one. Yes, I'm venting. Yes, I'm angry. But, I invite you to catch me on my good days and you'll see what a good, caring instructor I am to my students (albeit not the lazy ones). Once I ran a class with a group of undergrads at an all girls school that had the students create their own business and run it. These girls were minorities from low-income backgrounds and had never known a professional (female) role model. They did things that they never thought possible. I footed the bill out of pocket for the entire business venture, including incorporating it. It was an amazing experience...for them and for me. I still get emails from them telling me how much that one course impacted their lives.

Please don't judge me by my angry posts. I'm getting it out of my system. Between the stupent who should've failed my summer course who is still fighting the C- that I gave her as a favor (and hiring a lawyer, mind you...like I need that aggravation!) and the graduate student who flipped out on me last week (and later apologized), I had a bad week.

01/21: Wintersession Ends Today!

Whoopee! I'm finished with my stupents today! Of course nothing is easy. I'm sitting here hashing out grades over my morning coffee (kids plopped in front of TV and husband fending for himself to forage for food). It came to my attention that WHOA! Three students weren't logging into Blackboard enough nor were they contributing to the learning community. BTW, these are GRADUATE stupents so there is no excuse.

My husband walks by when he hears my gleeful exclamation, "This chick didn't post one damn thing during week two! Man, I'm flunking her butt!"

"Why are you so mean?" he has the nerve to say. "Maybe she couldn't get into the class or something came up. You know, they have other responsibilities."

My head almost did a 360 on my neck and I thought I'd start spewing green crap all over the place. Who the heck was this moron, standing across the counter who spoke those wicked words? Clearly it wasn't MY husband or he'd know better.

"Oh, so should I just give Kia a friggin' A because she had other responsibilities...unlike Meri, Maria, Pam, and the other four students who logged in everyday AND posted? I bet they didn't have other responsibilites like family, work, life, right? Kia didn't post one thing for one third of the class and Pam posted TWENTY-TWO times in just one week? Should I forgive Kia and slap that A on her grade report? I bet that would piss off Pam if she found out that all of her hard work earned her the same grade as little Miss No-Show. I'm sure glad YOU aren't teaching these classes. The future leaders of our country would be whiney little babies who take no responsibility for crapola because you want to give everyone who cries to you an A!"

He mumbled something about Xanax and it being 8am as he wandered away. What the hell is wrong with these friggin' people?

01/20: Unfriggin' Believable

So this student flips out under the pressure of a three-week online winter course and emails me this nasty email signing it "So what do think about THAT, teach?" I forward it to my chair who replies, "Wow, what an asshole." I forward it to the dean of the business school who forwards it to an associate dean who forwards it to the dean of student services who replies, "We're so sorry you had such an unpleasant experience."

WHAT???

How about writing up this piece of shit stupent? How about putting him in violation of the school's code of conduct? What the f....? Unpleasant experience my ass. The kid was a friggin' wanker and the school apologizes to me? You've got to be kidding me...

01/19: New Semester, New Stupents

That's right, STUPENTS as in STUPID STUDENTS. Look, this blog isn't going to just focus on stupid students but the new semester is about to start and, as much as I love teaching, I hate my students. Sure, it might just be a handful but those handful of stupid students really piss me off. Ahhhh, that feels so good to actually say it (yes, anonymously but hey, I still have to work!).

I'm currently dealing with a grade grievance from an idiot who took my class last summer. That's right, over EIGHT MONTHS AGO. It was a six week course and she blew off her assignments for one week (basically the equivalent of blowing off 2.5 weeks of a regular semester course), didn't do all of her assigments, handed most of them in late which completely disregards my NO LATE ASSIGNMENT policy, and submitted shitty work to begin with. She should have failed and as a favor, I gave her a C-. She has basically been harrassing me and the entire school for eight months.

Now, why does this happen? Because other instructors are cowards and idiots. They tell these piece of crap students that they are A students. This retard actually told someone that she was an A student. In the meantime, she wouldn't know the proper placement of a comment or how to string two thoughts together in an organized fashion if her life depended on it. In addition, she is lazy and doesn't do her work, forget do it well.

Last semester, I had this little Einstein-wannabe who thought he could pull a James Dean charm routine on mee. I called him on it and told him that he wasn't giving me his best work. So, the little "You're hot" comments weren't earning him brownie points to bypass the crappy work he was submitting. The kid blinked twice and actually told me that no other instructor had ever confronted him before about the fact that he was skating by on mediocre because it surpassed the other students "above average". Tough bananas, kid. You want to give me B work just because your B work is someone else's A work then you will get that damn B.

And that crap about "I'm confused." Yeh, I'm confused to as to HOW YOU GOT INTO COLLEGE, your friggin' moron.

"I was confused by your instructions!"
Oh, my, I'm terribly sorry that my instructions to answer question 1 and 2 on page 4 were confusing to you. Dry those tears with this tissue and let me wipe your bottom while I'm at it.

"I was confused about what you wanted!"
Oh dear me, and I thought I was so clear when I said to use the marketing paper outline on page 154-155 as your guide to creating a 5 page marketing plan. Since you were so confused and it was due today and this is the first time you told me you were confused, why don't I give you a 12 week extension? Would that help? Forget the fact that you'll hand it in three months after I've forgotten about this class and the assignment...please don't concern yourself with the extra work involved with chasing down department chairs and advisors so that I can submit your new grade months after the course has ended. No no...please, it's just fine by me...even though the college pays me the equivalent of $20/hr.

Oh yes, I'm fired up and ready for these Spring Stupents. Bring it on...

01/18: Dear Idiot Student...

Dear Idiot Student,

I understand that you are a student in my upcoming Spring 2006 course on Cannibalism in Higher Education. Prior to beginning the semester, let's set some ground rules.

At the end of the semester, when you receive your grade in the mail, you are going to be surprised that there will not be an A next to this course. You see, I'm tired of giving out As to students who don't earn them. I'm tired of having idiot students who think that they can blow off classes, instant message during their class, and submit papers with cover pages handwritten in yellow highlighter and riddled with spelling, punctuation, and grammar errors. So I'm boycotting As this semester. In fact, I might boycott Bs as well.

For the past seven years, I've heard every excuse in the book. "I was confused!" and "I didn't know..." are the two that top the list. If you are that stupid that you don't know how to follow my syllabus or what day one is when the class week starts on Sunday and ends on Saturday, you probably shouldn't be in college. Chances are that you graduated from high school because those teachers were sick of your stupid antics and are just moving the problem right on up the food chain.

It's interesting because no matter how much time I try to create an interesting course...one that means something and isn't just read the book/answer the questions, you will complain. So, I've joined the dark side and have decided that, since you are going to complain anyway, I might as well make my life easy and go back to the boring lecture with midterm and final exams. See how you like that brainless crap vs. the cool projects of simulated real-world marketing plans or product line development projects. Doesn't matter, though, does it? We both know that you'll bitch and moan about that, too.

What you students don't understand is that instructors talk and, after the first few years of thinking that WE are the idiots, we become aware that our students play psychological warfare with us. I will no longer take responsibility for your ignorance or laziness in meeting deadlines. That's YOUR problem and YOUR fault. I will not longer tolerate being called by my first name instead of Professor. We aren't buddies and will never be pals.

When you get your B (or C), feel free to go through the school's grade grievance process. You'll find that wasting my time, the department chair's time, the dean's time, and the academic review board's time is something we are all used to since everyone who receives an A- or below tends to fight the system and file petitions for that A. Hey, and while you are at it, why not include the college president on the email! S/He always likes to be bothered by idiot retards like you with your senseless grievances because you were too lazy or dumb to work hard during the semester or complaints of mass confusion after you received a grade that you don't like. That's always one way to make yourself look better, trust me. Oh, and try that little trick at work sometime and see how quickly you get passed over for that promotion.

I actually had an idea that we should just forget about classes and papers and over-expensive textbooks and exams. Instead, all professors' should just dish out that A. For adult students, their employer will be extremely amazed at the number of geniuses they have hired. For those 18 year olds, your parents will be shocked to find that all of those years of partying in high school paid off since you are now consistently on that dean's list...not just once but every semester. After all, they always knew there was a budding Einstein lurking beneath that hung-over couch potato that they were amazed came from their loins!

Of course, there are colleges that allow you to do this: get an A in exchange for a check. They are called diploma mills and you can find hundreds of them listed on any search engine. My suggestion to bypass the academics and just issue the grade didn't go to far when I mentioned it to the college so, you are stuck in class with me for the next 15 weeks. Sorry.

Signed, Your Loving Professor