01/19: New Semester, New Stupents

That's right, STUPENTS as in STUPID STUDENTS. Look, this blog isn't going to just focus on stupid students but the new semester is about to start and, as much as I love teaching, I hate my students. Sure, it might just be a handful but those handful of stupid students really piss me off. Ahhhh, that feels so good to actually say it (yes, anonymously but hey, I still have to work!).

I'm currently dealing with a grade grievance from an idiot who took my class last summer. That's right, over EIGHT MONTHS AGO. It was a six week course and she blew off her assignments for one week (basically the equivalent of blowing off 2.5 weeks of a regular semester course), didn't do all of her assigments, handed most of them in late which completely disregards my NO LATE ASSIGNMENT policy, and submitted shitty work to begin with. She should have failed and as a favor, I gave her a C-. She has basically been harrassing me and the entire school for eight months.

Now, why does this happen? Because other instructors are cowards and idiots. They tell these piece of crap students that they are A students. This retard actually told someone that she was an A student. In the meantime, she wouldn't know the proper placement of a comment or how to string two thoughts together in an organized fashion if her life depended on it. In addition, she is lazy and doesn't do her work, forget do it well.

Last semester, I had this little Einstein-wannabe who thought he could pull a James Dean charm routine on mee. I called him on it and told him that he wasn't giving me his best work. So, the little "You're hot" comments weren't earning him brownie points to bypass the crappy work he was submitting. The kid blinked twice and actually told me that no other instructor had ever confronted him before about the fact that he was skating by on mediocre because it surpassed the other students "above average". Tough bananas, kid. You want to give me B work just because your B work is someone else's A work then you will get that damn B.

And that crap about "I'm confused." Yeh, I'm confused to as to HOW YOU GOT INTO COLLEGE, your friggin' moron.

"I was confused by your instructions!"
Oh, my, I'm terribly sorry that my instructions to answer question 1 and 2 on page 4 were confusing to you. Dry those tears with this tissue and let me wipe your bottom while I'm at it.

"I was confused about what you wanted!"
Oh dear me, and I thought I was so clear when I said to use the marketing paper outline on page 154-155 as your guide to creating a 5 page marketing plan. Since you were so confused and it was due today and this is the first time you told me you were confused, why don't I give you a 12 week extension? Would that help? Forget the fact that you'll hand it in three months after I've forgotten about this class and the assignment...please don't concern yourself with the extra work involved with chasing down department chairs and advisors so that I can submit your new grade months after the course has ended. No no...please, it's just fine by me...even though the college pays me the equivalent of $20/hr.

Oh yes, I'm fired up and ready for these Spring Stupents. Bring it on...