12/26/07: Personal Grief

It has been a while since I wrote. I need to unload something from my chest. I went to a holiday party last weekend and a friend offered us a limo ride there/back so that we would not drink and drive. The evening before, I had seen our babysitter's mother at a party and mentioned that the limo would be bringing her daughter home and, when the mother said that her daughter hadn't been in a limo before, I specifically said, "Oh, then maybe I will arrange to take her for a ride!". So the mother had been told and I thought it was cleared.

When the girl came over and we were getting ready to leave for the party, I promised the babysitter and my 9 year old a ride in the car when I took the babysitter home.

Holiday party was fun but very little food. I had six wines and apparently was intoxicated, although my husband didn't seem to notice. I took the kids for the limo ride around town to see the lights and decorations. Then, for some reason, we stopped at a restaurant that is also a pub for a total of two minutes (verified by limo driver and my son). I remember peeking in the windows and looking at all of the people. Then we came home.

The mother couldn't find her daughter and went apeshit. She came to our house, tried to wake up my husband who didn't know where we were (in the limo) despite the fact that the limo was IN THE DRIVEWAY when she came to the house. She walked right past it, entered my house, went upstairs, tried to wake my husband who was "comatosed" (her words).

When she grabbed her daughter out of the limo and went home, the girl said that she was crying in the limo (no), begging to go home (no), and that I dragged her by the arm into the bar, sat the at bar, tried to order a drink, sat a table, then left.

I confess that, from the depths of my soul, I do not remember ever entering that restaurant which does have a bar. I do know that we were out of the limo and we did look in the windows of the restaurant at the lights and decorations. I do recall her laughing with my son who also said this was true AS DID THE LIMO DRIVER. The mother is insisting that isn't true and her daughter is not a liar. My son said that he saw us peek in the windows and did not see us enter the establishment. The limo driver said that we might have when he turned the limo around but it was about 2 minutes that we were out of the car.

The mother is threatening to call the authorities, take my children away from me, etc. I have known this woman for 14 years. She's best friends with my sister and has been a psuedo-family member. I had apologized to her, her husband, and the daughter. I have gone to the church to seek spiritual guidance from the priest and deacon. I have arranged to go to counselling starting tomorrow. What the hell else does she want from me? And who is she to judge me as a parent ("You need parental counselling! I fear for the safety of your children!") when she lives in a dirty house and is quite the partier herself. I've seen her completely inebriated in front of her children on more than one occasion.

All my life I have been a wild child. Everyone who knows me is aware of this. I ran away with the circus, lived in Argentina, lived in Alaska, traveled the world, lived with the Amish, studied the homeless. I have always been a party girl but I can also control it when I want to or even when I don't want to. I run a charity (out of my own pocket) to help poor people. I've gone to do mission work in remote locations. Now, because of this, I feel complete despair and hopelessness. I have thought about harming myself but I wouldn't do that to my children. My depression is completely back...I haven't eatten in almost 7 days (before this incident, mind you) and have lost 11 pounds. My stomach is in such a knot that I can't think straight.

To add insult to injury, the mother and father say their daughter is TRAUMATIZED and may need counselling. Yet, on Christmas morning, when I was at my sister's house and my car was parked right out front, not once but TWICE did the girl come to the door. How TRAUMATIZED can she be if she knows that her "tormentor" is in the house and she comes over two times? And the mother, who flatly informed me that I shall never have contact with her daughter again, knew we were there and still sent her over to give my neice a present THEN return to ask for onions. She must have been really, really, really upset, eh? Couldn't wait until we left at 11 to do that? The mother knew that, every year, we go to my sister's house for breakfast in Christmas. Guess the girl's trauma isn't so bad...?

My niece is her friend and her reaction was "Oh please, she always overreacts to everything."

My intention was do something fun for the kids. Something Christmasy. It backfired and I have apologized. Now this woman's reaction (including telling me that her husband wanted to kill one of us on the night this happened) has tramatized me. I can't eat, can't sleep, can't focus. I keep crying and throwing up. I think she is evil, an evil, evil woman who professes to be the best Catholic on the planet. I doubt she will sue because of the friendship with my sister but...who knows? Does she has a case? Did I break any laws? Was it such a horrible, terrible thing? Even the head priest of HER church said "Great intentions but inappropriate timing. Not a biggie, though." If I have agreed to do everything the mother asks (apologize in writing to the daughter, seek counselling, never drink again...), can she still sue? Can you sue without asking for retribution first?

The shock of this is too much for me. How can I get over this?

I love the fact that she thinks I'm an alcoholic and need to get alcohol help when she, herself, drinks more than frequently and in front of her children. And, as far as bad parenting, my kids live life large...just like me. Her children live in a dirty house with piles of dirty laundry all over the place and unmade beds. Her 14 year old son plays sniper games on XBox (nice Catholic game, eh?). She feeds them crap, deep fried food and rich deserts. Her children never play outside but sit inside, watching tv all summer long and after school. That's great parenting, isn't it?

Who is she to judge me? Who the hell is she to DEMAND these things????? I am who I am and I don't hide anything. I don't pretend to be perfect.

Am I wrong is despising her or is it just a defense mechanism?